I was watching showtime the other day and a bunch of those ‘this is harassment’ videos came on. I’ll never disagree that sexual harassment is ever, in any situation, okay. There were some familiar and relatable situations as well as some fucked up ones. I consider myself a part of the #metoo deal. I think just about everyone, male or female, has experienced some sort of unwanted sexual advances that left them feeling dirty. One that stands out to me was a kiss that was forced after repeatedly saying ‘no’ more than a few times. We didn’t kiss, I got out of there… and as small as that unwanted advance was… I felt dirty for a solid week. I went home straight away, showered and scrubbed my body down hard.
I talked to my parents about it and had a solid enough head on my shoulders where I just cut ties with that guy. No more subtle hello’s in the hallways between classes, no eye contact, no nothing. It wasn’t a big enough deal to me to have to report it. I genuinely believe, to this day, it was a solid misunderstanding. We’d been on a couple of dates and we both knew we were interested in each other. He just tried a little too hard for that kiss and the fact that he didn’t stop after the first ‘no’ was enough for me to know that I didn’t want to pursue it anymore. Today he’s got a beautiful wife and at least one kid that I know of.
Teenagers, hormones, what have you. I had enough self respect to say ‘no’ and it wasn’t worth damaging his reputation. Now if this had turned into a full fledged ‘I’m going to try to stick my dick in you’, I’d like to think I’d bite that fucker off and I’d have no hesitation to report that shit.
There’s a couple of things that bother me with this whole movement. Lines are getting a little too blurry. Some people are just genuine assholes and don’t give a shit if they make you uncomfortable. Is that worth tarnishing their career & life? Personally, I don’t think so. I don’t think it should be ignored by any means, but it doesn’t need to ruin them. A misplaced hand thinking that there’s a mutual ‘vibe’ going on versus someone that’s trying to put their hand down your pants are two very, very, different things. Yet today people seem to be lumping it all into one, which I think is pretty dangerous.
When watching these videos, the other part that really stood out to me, is how there’s little to no conversation about women objectifying men. Or any videos of women sexually harassing men. I find it interesting that if the roles were flipped, most men (most likely) wouldn’t seem to have a problem with it. Which kind of goes against men and women being the same, further defining the double standard for BOTH sexes.
Is it possible the snake is eating its own tail in this scenario? By women objectifying men, treating and talking to them as sexual objects, having extremely shallow expectations but being offended when they have the same in return, talking to ourselves (as women) as sexual objects, portraying ourselves as sex objects, aren’t we sending extremely mixed signals here? Like we want the chivalrous men who accept everything about us, but we’re afraid of committed relationships so we have one night stands and we’re more interested in our social media highlight reel boyfriends than having authentic conversations with our counterpart(s).
Couldn’t the message be: don’t be an asshole or abuse any power and money you fucking dick/twats. also, have some self respect. also, find a different job.
I get the campaign. I get the message. I get that the focus is on women being sexually abused and harassed. I just find it extremely interesting how I haven’t heard one single story of a woman sexually harassing a man with this whole publicized movement. Maybe i’m not listening or looking in the right areas, but there are more than enough female Bill Clinton’s, Kevin Spacy’s, and Harvey Weinstein’s in the world. Just maybe men don’t care, or maybe it’s not ‘political’ enough, or maybe we’re causing more damage to men’s fragility. As much as I hate the double standard that women have and having lived through them, I’d hate to be a man.
I hope and pray that my husband and I are able to raise our kiddo to know when to say ‘no’, and understand her self worth as well as understanding and respecting other people’s self worth. Don’t get caught up in being ‘sexy’, ‘popular’, ‘insta-famous’… be you. Be the best you that you can be. Be kind. Be strong emotionally and don’t let people beat you down. I’m hoping she takes an interest in boxing or some sort of martial arts… I want any person who tries to take advantage of that kid to feel the wrath of her ‘no’.