Out of my 29 (soon to be 30) years of life on this earth and being a woman… my experience with other women that are with the ‘village’ mom groups: NO. Just no. Not for me in the slightest. Being a new mom, I get invited to a lot of online village groups. I don’t even want to get started on the irony of culture appropriation on this. Women who get offended about culture appropriation, who partake in culturally appropriated holidays and groups called ‘tribe’ and ‘village’ that have nothing to do with their ‘heritage’. I honestly don’t give a fuck, but the irony is so very clear and it hurts my head so hard. And my eye sockets from extreme eye rolling.
I got invited, yet again, to another online village the other day. I like to try to give the benefit of the doubt to these groups. I love women! I love being a woman and there are so many attributes of being a woman that no man (transgender included) could ever understand or appreciate (authentically outside of empathy). I love womanhood. That said, after scrolling through the last few days of posts, I’m out. I’m out so fast. I just can’t even. As great as women are, women are also the worst. Men: they can hate each other, they can berate each other, they can beat each other up. Afterwards, they’re over it. Women: they are passive agressive as fuck and rarely let any shit go. They’re the pros at fake nice.
I’ve tried a few times to participate in these so called ‘welcoming’ groups. I tried to be included with villages. Sooooooo many snide comments though. And soooo many one-uppers and so, so much criticism. I’d ask a question in post, and 9 times out 10, the women are less concerned with the question and more concerned with their 2 cents of parenting methods and recommendations. Fuck that shit. I don’t want your criticism, I’m just wondering what brand you prefer, why you prefer it or how you’ve handled a teething baby. I don’t need any noses in the air saying ‘Oh. You use orajel? Your baby is probably going to die.’ Obviously that’s an exaggeration, but you get the point.
And there are a ton of posts about taking sides in marital arguments. What an awful, awful thing to do. You’re spilling an intimate conversation in public with people you don’t know as well as with people who do know you AND your significant other. So not only are you putting those that know you and your partner in a terribly awkward situation, you’re flailing your dirty laundry for everyone to see just to tally up how many people ‘side’ with you. That has got to be one of the shittiest things. And yes, I get that there is some irony here with my bloggy blog. I try REALLY hard to not throw my husband under the bus on here and keep our arguments and conversations between the two of us semi private. Because I respect him and value his opinion, his thoughts, his voice and his stance as an equal. An equal parent and an equal partner.
Most of these entries are reflections on me. How I struggle and succeed as a mom and wife. My husband is a part of these entries, yes. Most of those entries are shared after our conversations. And I’m not looking to keep score or for how many people take my side so I can say ‘See, I told you.’ I also don’t know that anyone even reads these entries, nor do I care if people do. There’s that, I guess.
Also, can we talk about baby wearing for a second? I loved wearing my kiddo and I love wearing her when we go out. Strollers are a hassle, and these little carrier baby/kid backpacks and fabric things are amazing. But $300-$600 FOR A PIECE OF CLOTH?! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! I’ve asked for baby wraps in these same groups, and mentioned I’m all about using nice fabric, but I got a budget and it ain’t $300 – $600. You can feel the eye daggers coming through their comments. ‘You get what you pay for.’ *Insert the biggest eye roll in the entire galaxy. Yes, quality is great and makes a huge difference. But no, not for $300. I can get an authentic, limited edition coach purse for cheaper than that. Which is just as asinine.
Anyway, I can’t stand the mom villages. Stop inviting me. I don’t care about your dirty laundry, I’m not interested to hear about how your methods are better, I don’t care that you use natural products and I sure as hell don’t care about your criticism. It’s just not for me. I know it works great for some women (obviously it does, otherwise there wouldn’t be thousands of women who flok to these groups). I just don’t like the drama or the gossip.